It probably comes as no surprise that we are shaped by those around us. Even the most independent, original, and free-spirited man out there is deeply informed by his family, friends, peers, community, country of origin, etc. We may be singular, but the influences on our lives and choices are infinite.
Fortunately, we do have some say in the matter. We get to decide our friends, where we live, who we love, and what we do. We invite their influence into our lives. And we are formed accordingly – intellectually, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
When we see someone isolated from others, we notice how starved they are from the life-giving effects of community. When we see someone engaged with others, we see them connecting with, and becoming like, the people around them.
So, who is (or isn’t) forming you lately?
Why Being Intentional Matters
The people around us determine the quality and direction of our lives. The Bible expresses this idea even more frankly. “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” (Proverbs 13:20).
If only we followed this advice! But while we instinctively understand that anything worthwhile requires intentionality, we often opt for convenience when it comes to the people around us. We drift into relationships which encourage the familiar, the comfortable, the same, the affirming. And while none of these qualities are in and of themselves bad, the cumulative effect is a life which fails to encourage growth, exploration, correction, or challenge.
We might recognize the negative influences around us and move intentionally away from their reach. But if we don’t find new voices to speak into our lives, we are left and limited to our own devices. A fully realized life requires ongoing, right, and growing relationships with ourselves, God, and others.
Unravel Groups emerged from this realization. Instead of falling prey to isolation, apathy, performance, and shame, we desire to be men formed by life-giving community, progress, humility, and truth. And we won’t get there by accident.
Choose Who You Are Becoming
Entrepreneur and author Jim Rohn famously observed, “You become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
If that’s true – if you’re tired of drifting, if you desire a trajectory deeper and truer to the man God created you to be – start by looking at the company you keep:
- Make a List: Who are the five people you spend the most time with? Write their names down. (And no, you can’t count yourself). If you’re struggling to come up with five people, notice that. If you’re having a hard time narrowing it down, notice that too. That said, you need five names on the list before you can move on.
- Take Inventory: Who are these people? What thoughts/feelings come up as you look at their names? Make a list of their qualies – things you admire and things you don’t. As you look at these qualities, imagine these words describe yourself. (Hint: they probably do).
- Notice What (and Who) is Missing: Are there qualities you use to describe yourself, or would like to be there, that you’re not seeing on this list? Write them down. Are there people in your life who embody these traits? Perhaps a friend of a friend?
- Reach Out: Make a new list of five people you would like to become. Then look at how you might spend more time with them.
As much as we are responsible for who we are and what we do, life is not a solo sport. The people around us might be encouraging our best qualities, or excusing our most destructive ones.
The man you are becoming is up to you, and those you keep in your corner and calendar. Choose wisely.
Ready to level up and engage others on your journey? Check out Unravel: GO, the Unravel Lab, and/or join an Unravel group.
